nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
