I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
