that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
