i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
