My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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