just tell him i said nine months
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
