and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
