I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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