he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
