Well apparently he's into motor boating.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize