I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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