can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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