ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to make out with him forever
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
