I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
