my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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