i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
