My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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