Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
