I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
