8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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