I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
