You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
