Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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