Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
