your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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