i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
