I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
