Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
