Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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