we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
