...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't put those talents on a resume
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
