So drunk its hurt
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
