I want to have your abortion
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
