Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
