why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
