i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
