from now on my penis is your penis
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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