Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
smell my finger.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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