I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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