I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
