Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
