pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
