Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
