I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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