i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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