I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
