life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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