My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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