i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
