Small penises have feelings too.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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