I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
