based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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