How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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