I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
