i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i came on her dog
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
