hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
