youre lurking in front of me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
