I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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