i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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