The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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