i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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