THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
