Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
