Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
