my phone needs a breathalizer
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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