his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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