I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
