i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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