I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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