when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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