It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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