upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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